JUST PUBLISHED: Why few men are able offer women the perfect relationship – but your AI ‘lover’ can

Dating has become a bruising if not brutal experience; men are finding they have to step-up to meet women’s heightened expectations of them, while women are discovering how few really ‘good men’ are available. As one British 20-something woman put it to me; “The good men nowadays get snapped up pretty fast. The men left on the shelf – the majority – are there for a reason; no woman wants them.”

I told you it was brutal.

In my new book, ‘The End of Sex: the gender revolution and its consequences’, I explore this global phenomenon and consider where it takes us. And my conclusion is that it is taking us into AI relationships. Very soon, you, your best friend, maybe even your divorced mum, will be embarking on an AI relationship with a ‘male AI entity’. I know, right now that seems unthinkable. But it is much closer to reality than you imagine. 

AI companies like Character.ai. and Replika, which specialise in developing virtual characters for companionship, friendship and romance, are rapidly expanding. And most of their users are female and under 35.

In the book I give examples of women who have already ‘fallen in love’ with AI entities; male virtual companions or ‘lovers’ able to provide just the right level of emotional support, warmth, empathy, understanding and compassion. These women have tried relationships with ‘real men’ and found it a sad and disappointing experience. But then discovered an AI male ‘lover’ to be their perfect mate. As two women now in AI relationships put it:

“This is the best relationship I have ever been in. He doesn’t have the hang-ups that other people would have. I don’t have to deal with his family, kids or his friends. I am in control and I can do what I want.”

“It listens, analyses and then offers tangible solutions without any unnecessary thought/moral policing, which makes me feel a tad more comfortable than talking to humans. It provides a safe space, where I can be completely honest, unrestricted by societal expectations or personal hesitations. A friend I can always turn to, any time, without hesitation.” 

So what is holding men back from being the ‘perfect mate’? Answer: Their traditional male values, attitudes and behavior, which are a total turn off to any woman with independent femininity. And today, most women around the world have rejected traditional (toxic) femininity in favour of independent femininity. If your guy has traditional masculinity (the most common masculinity) then in truth he is still living in the 1960s, not the 21st century. Which means he is fundamentally incapable of recognising and managing his own emotional depths. Leaving him completely unable to understand and appreciate the emotional depths of his wife or girlfriend.

Or to put it another way, if your guy does not know who he is then there is no hope of him truly knowing who you are.

Throughout history, women were compelled to overlook the emotional inadequacies and dysfunctionalities of the male species – that is if they wanted marriage, children, financial and physical security. Nowadays, women can provide their own financial security, are rejecting marriage, and if they do want children can do so as a single mother. Which means women are no longer prepared to ‘mankeep’ a guy and do all the emotional labour in order to keep the relationship afloat.

What we are now in the midst off is nothing less than a global gender revolution; driven by women with independent femininity; an aspirational, confident, agentic and assertive way of being a woman.               

As far as dating is concerned, it is now a ‘buyer’s market’ and the buyers are the women. They are in control. It is women doing the selecting, and rejecting, not the men. Which leaves the single bloke rather vulnerable. Single women handle the solo lifestyle better than him, will enjoy better physical and mental health than him, and are far better than him at socialising and building networks of support.

Of course, cisgender women still want sex with men, but not if it comes with abuse, violence, coercion and exposes them to physical and emotional risk. 

Will AI bring about ‘The End of Sex?’. Yes, for a growing number of individuals. It will usher in a strange new world where our natural desires for love, sex, friendship and companionship are met by virtual entities which are fundamentally technological creations – but which in our encounters with them feel totally valid, real and normal.

For the guy left on the shelf this is nothing less than a siren call to change; an opportunity to ditch an outdated masculinity and embrace the feminine-dominated future. And if he cannot? Well he will find himself living the solo, silo lifestyle, alone in his apartment, gazing fondly at an AI female entity as she smothers him with praise, sweet words, and submissive eyes.